Zub Tales

*Guy on the subway sees my Dungeons & Dragons jacket*

GUY: Heeeey~! D&D! D&D is the best!

ZUB: Yeah!

GUY: I had the craziest D&D thing happen to me…

I assume we’re going to talk about his current campaign or playing when he was younger.

GUY: I got in a bar brawl for real.

ZUB: Like, in real life?

GUY: Yeah, yeah, YEAH! A for real bar fight and, as it was happening, all I could think was “Awww shit, this is just like D&D!!”

ZUB: Okaay~

GUY: So I’ve got two dudes ready to kick my ass and I’m strategizing like it’s all a game. Y’know, improve my armor class or disarm ’em or just anything!

ZUB: How’d that go?

GUY: HAHAHA, that’s the craziest part!
In my head’ I’m freaking out but I’m also thinkin’ like “What would Dripwell my Dwarf do”, y’know?!

ZUB: Sure.

GUY: Well, Drips would fuckin’ go for their legs…

ZUB: So you-

GUY: So, that’s what I did!

ZUB: Really?

GUY: Yeah, man and it was a nat 20! A complete tackle to the ground and that dude went down like a sack of potatoes!

ZUB: What about the other guy?

GUY: As soon as the first guy went down, I scrambled over him and ran right the fuck outta there!
Drippy knows when to get the fuck out of a bad situation. Move those dwarf legs and ruuuuuun, amIright?

ZUB: Wow. I, uh, I’m glad you didn’t get hurt.

GUY: My shoulder hurt for a couple days. Adrenalin and all that.

*Dude glances around and sees what station we’re pulling up to*

GUY: Oh shit, this is my stop. Gotta go.

ZUB: Thanks for the story.

GUY: One more quick thing – Wanna know why my guy was called “Dripwell?”

ZUB: Sure.

GUY: Because he had a huge dwarf DICK yoooo~!

He steps off the train, but turns back to look at me with a big smile and a fist raised as he yells “D&D!!”

Everyone else packed on the train during rush hour looks at me like I’m insane.

Today is starting off strong.